Friday, June 4, 2010
on the now
why is it that i never let myself be happy? and i mean truly happy. perhaps i have always been this way. of course there are false superficial external happy moments. a great run. a yoga sesh. a splurge at Sports Authority (yes i said Sports Authority) a great book, a great song, an intellectual conversation. but i mean a down to your core, uncontrollable, overwelming happiness that eminates from your entire being. what does happiness mean to me? is it where i am in my life? what i have accomplished? i think happiness is a mental state that i may not be ready for. yes i have grown alot, and experienced alot. but i still have alot of growing and learning to do.
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Maybe you have an unrealistic perspective of what happiness is or feels like. Maybe a "down to your core, uncontrollable, overwelming happiness that eminates from your entire being" does not exist but you just think it does (for whatever reason). Maybe the only obstacle to your happiness is that you are chasing after a false paradigm of it.
ReplyDeleteAnother possibility, you are clinically depressed.
Or, maybe you don't have, or maybe in this world there just aren't, reasons to be happy. Things may not be in such a state as to induce happiness.
Lastly, maybe this is part of your psyche and you really already know the answers to your questions but you just aren't really seeing it clearly.
dave, i have been clinically diagnosed w/depression. and struggle with it daily, of course i am doing much better now over all. i think your last statement meant the most to me: "Lastly, maybe this is part of your psyche and you really already know the answers to your questions but you just aren't really seeing it clearly." i do know the answers. i just need to find the strength to accept them. thanks for the thoughts.
ReplyDeleteyou have happiness right in front of you, its right under your nose, and yet you dont take advantage of it? makes no sense, i hope that this doesnt sound like an attacking thing but its more of an outside view i guess. i know your situation for the most part and i see what is going on. i notice that you have the opportunity to be happy yet it seems like you dont take it. ok that sounded completely repetitive haha. but anyways, do "you" nevermind what everyone else has to say or what they do. in the end its up to you. LRM
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